What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I am one with the molecules
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
how drunk are you?
Several
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
