Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
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I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
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It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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