I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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