I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
