can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
