I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
