Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
