I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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