dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
i think my cat just said my name.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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