Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
