i was born a porn star she said
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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