someone get that fucking seahorse.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
