well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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