I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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