im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
