3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
