Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
