I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
