Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
