I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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