I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
