so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
