It's just like the Real World with babies
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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