just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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