You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Randomize
