I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
