im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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