You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
