Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
