I've blown a few things in my day
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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