I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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