If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
