I've blown a few things in my day
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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