Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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