so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Randomize
