Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Randomize
