Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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