i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
