Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
