Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
