True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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