youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
everyone is single if you try hard enough
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
