I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
