I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
