You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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