My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
