when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
