I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
