Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Randomize
