i think my tv is drunk
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
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