College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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