you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Randomize
