i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
