Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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