i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
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