well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
