i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Randomize
