does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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