It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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