An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
