sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
