were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
He felt like a one man threesome
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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