You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
