after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Randomize
