Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
