I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
