I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
