Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
