hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
