Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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