Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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