I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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