Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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