apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
